Did You Wash Your Underwear?

One silly boy asked me that question when I was in JSS2.

I know right. Many things happened during my childhood.

Like when I wore trousers to participate in my first and only beauty pageant (save for the ones in church)

And when I touched a hot lantern (nobody been send me work o).

Let me tell you what warranted the question.

I was sitting in class jejely writing my notes. Back then, my class boys — as little as they were — were really nasty.

You’d just be sitting doing one or two things, the next thing someone would bend under your table.

Ask him what he’s looking for, he’d tell you his biro or pencil.

Anyways, I became a victim of their shenanigans one day.

I was copying my note jejely and this guy bent down.

When I noticed the other boys around giggling, I knew something was up.

Quickly, I adjusted my sitting position so he wouldn’t see anything.

And guess what he said to me when he noticed all windows had been closed.

“Victoria, did you even wash your underwear?” 

Jesus!

It was so embarrassing.

I almost cried because the boys around didn’t even help matters. They laughed so hard at me.

Boys can be really annoying I swear.

But this particular boy was something else.

I’m still feeling the anger as I write this.

It’s not as if I wore dirty underwear o.

I didn’t.

But I felt bad.

Because well…

Wait. You think I shouldn’t have felt bad if my panties were not dirty?

You imagine it.

Let me lend you my shoes so you can know where it pinches.

Imagine one of your classmates back then just tried to pry into your privacy and know the kind of underwear you were wearing.

Not for anything but so he could get bragging rights with other silly boys.

Then say stuff like, “this girl is wearing pink pant, that girl’s own is blue”.

And after failed attempts the person asks you with a very loud voice so his cohorts would hear:

“Did you even wash your underwear?”

How would you feel?

After committing an abomination, he still had the mind to ask a silly question.

Ah!

In fact, it’s not as if my underwear was dirty o. 

It was just looking brown.

Ordinary brown.

And if I had sat well like a woman, all that nonsense wouldn’t have happened.

I was so angry and teary that I almost slapped him.

I didn’t slap him sha. You know I don’t have strength. He would have slapped me back; perhaps, even harder.

He would have even beaten me black, blue and green. 

As I was saying, I didn’t slap him.

I just made sure I never made the mistake of wearing torn or dirty underwear.

I even opted for tights in case of any unforeseen circumstances.

I paid more attention to the signs that I needed to change my underwear.

Up until now, I still follow these signs judiciously but sometimes, 

I don’t pay attention and wind up still wearing them even when it’s obviously time to change them.

This isn’t cool.

As a fine person that you are, it is very unimaginable and unthinkable to be caught wearing underwear that needs to be changed.

Don’t ask me how you’ll be caught.

You know how abeg.

There are signs to help out when it’s time to change your underwear.

And you have to pay attention to these signs before your undies embarrass you.

If you don’t know them, that’s not a problem.

That’s why I’m in your mailbox today.

Just read this article on Ria Kosher’s sister website, Svelte Magazine.

You’ll find the signs that you need to change your underwear there.

Anyways, I’m still hoping I meet that mumu boy that asked if I washed my pant.

Shebi it’s because I didn’t know the signs that you need to change underwear then.

If I did, I’d have known that when undies change colour, it’s time to get rid of them.

Okay. I’ve given you expo.

Read the article HERE to get the rest. 

The Writer who knows how to do Fashion,

Victoria Willie

Creative Director, Ria Kosher